Follow What God Wants You to Do

         There are times when I have to discern important stuff in my life. I would go to a quiet place and reflect, and I talk to God. I read His word. I talk to my close friends and ask for their perspective.  I ask some people who are experts on the subject matter.  I even ask my parents to some extent. I would research as if it's something I could search in Google or Wikipedia. But for some reasons, I still don't get it.

          I had my heart crushed recently. I was contemplating if I'm really doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I even got sick physically and spiritually. I experienced spiritual dryness. I believe that God is with me, but I just couldn't feel His presence. I lost the passion to serve Him. I don't know if it's laziness or someting else. But there's one thing that never changed- I still connected with Him. I still talked to Him. I openly talked about all the things I've been carrying in my heart. Thank God, it made me feel lighter. I would still go to mass, and listen to His word. But that's it! Something has changed. I changed. It's not the same person that I am. Well, I thought that it's part of my journey with God. I tried to rationalize things, and be logical about stuff. It helped me think with a clear mind, but it didn't totally answer my question. I rediscovered that I'm human, and I have emotions. So, I've been dealing with everything for a few months. I was thinking of going somewhere else, and start a new life. But there's a voice inside me telling me that my mission is not yet finished. "I don't know why, but I have to stay.", I told myelf. It affected how I work, and even how I deal with stuff. It's not me anymore or maybe, I just didn't like the person I am becoming. One Wednesday night, I was running late for the weekly bible study I attend. While I was heading to the venue, I had a really bad day or so I thought. I talked to God, "Lord, I'm so tired with my life. I'm so down and out. I'm so tired of doing what I want, and just fail big time. There's only one voice that matters to me, Your voice. Tell me, what do You want me to do with my life? I'd rather follow You because I know that You know everything that's happening, and You know what's best for me." When I arrived at the venue of the bible study, the talk was about listening to God's voice, and obeying Him. I just got the message. Alright, I will obey. But what exactly do You want me to do? I answered my own question, "At least now, I know that I have to trust and obey Him." But I took the next step. I asked God, "If You want me to obey You, then, can You please be clear with what You want me to do?" He then replied, "Be faithful to the gift I gave you." So, I realized, "Okay. So, You want me to write. But I also have other goals." Then, God spoke to me, "Follow Me first, and everything else will follow."
           That hit me. It's not about what I just want to do but what God wants me to do; and above all, it's about who God wants me to be. The world has so much noise that sometimes, you can't listen to His voice anymore. Worse, you can't even recognize His voice. But God is faithful to His promise. When He said in Matthew 7:7, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.", it's so true! I asked for Him to tell me what He wanted me to do, and He answered me. I'm grateful that I went through the stage of spiritual dryness again because when God emptied my cup, He filled it with new and wonderful things. He reminded me to trust and follow Him. Following His will means serving my purpose in life. Thank God, He still gave me another chance to rediscover it.