Please Wait

                     

            “I want to see his face. I want to feel his embrace. I want to meet him. I want to hold his hands forever.”

          Singlehood is a time when you take risks, go on adventures, meet new friends, pursue your dreams, and the inevitable finding of your life partner. Almost six years ago, I lost that love- the love I held so dear. It wasn’t easy to move

on. I cry myself to sleep. I feel the moist on my pillow because of the tears I shed. I see his face anywhere I go. Guys would look like him. When I hear the song I used to sing to him, it brings me to tears again. When I see stuff connecting us, it reignites that feeling I have for him. My mom tells me to give another guy a chance, but even if I try, I still can’t love the person completely. 

          After months of mourning, I tried living a normal life without him. I met new friends. I spent time with God. I thought I was okay. So, I finally opened my heart to someone better. I've dated a number of them. For some time, I was flattered by how they appreciated me as a person. I thought that was all I needed. It’s been awhile since I experienced that feeling of being loved by someone who could be my life partner. It’s not bad after all. I've dated some really great guys, but each time I’m supposed to make a decision, my answer is always no. “You’re a great person, but you deserve someone who will love you as much as you love me. I just can’t.” I don’t know why I go through the same cycle over and over. So, I kissed dating good-bye.

One day, I just woke up and realized that I was still holding on to my lost love- the love I held so dear. I understood that I need to clear things up because I can’t totally move on if I still have unfinished business with him, at least on my part.

          I decided to see him again and talk to him. I was ready to face him without being affected whatsoever. I told myself that I’m meeting him because I need to heal me. Off we went. We saw our older selves. A lot of things changed. But there’s one thing that remained- our genuine concern for each other. I guess if you loved someone, you will always love that person but not as much as you did before. I thought there will still be another chance of getting back together, but a couple of days later, the fateful moment came. It was hard, but we had to talk about it. It was a tough decision to make. We finally wrote a period to that once-a-wonderful-love-story. It broke my heart so much that I couldn't breathe. I wanted to scream, but I started to cry. I took the time to process everything. It finally has come to an end. If we truly loved each other, we have to set each other free and let us be happier with somebody else.

          It wasn't easy to move on completely because I felt comfortable with him. He’s the only person I knew who I can be so silly but still feel loved. He saw me cry. He has seen the worst of me but still accepted me. He was my comfort zone. That was the time when I've come to realize that love is not enough to make it work if you don’t share the same dreams and plans in the future. They say, “Opposites attract.” It’s romantic, but it’s not easy. I prefer now to be with someone I share a lot of things in common like faith, values, and dreams. We’ll always have differences. He’s a man, and I’m a woman. He was brought up differently. He grew up in a different neighborhood. He has different experiences. I’m sure that’s enough to make our relationship interesting. It’s wonderful to be with someone whom I can call my partner in everything I do because we share things in common. He’s my equal and my partner in crime.

          Why am I writing this? It’s not to openly share my life with you. It’s not even to slam down on my lost love because he’s such an amazing person, and I wish him all the great things in life. I’m writing this because I know some people may feel the same way as I am right now. I’m single and happy where I am, but I still have that longing to be with my life partner. I am perfectly loved by God, but God also wanted me to be with the person He has prepared for me. Maybe, he’s still dating someone else like I did, together with someone else or he’s also single and is also looking for me. The possibilities are endless. I feel that void. But God tells me, “Please wait. I’m still preparing your heart. Wait until everything’s ready. I will give you your perfect match in My perfect time. I promise.” From desperation to inspiration. As I end this story, I say, “I trust You.”